It's actually hard to listen to the stories my mom told me this morning when I woke up. And now dad is talking with his sister about the same problem. I think most of what my mom and I discussed are about my unni who's closer to my age.

I don't know, I kept telling my mom that it has always been her attitude even when we were younger. I think that's why I am closer to my other unni than her. She has always been the oddball. She likes to have parties before in our house, every birthday it is a sure thing that she will hold one. She sneaks out at night to go to bars in Manila with her friends. Manila to Cavite are more than an hour away considering the traffic there too. My mom also just learned how my unni had an affair with her college professor before, the reason why she never worked in a hospital back in the Philippines (her ex-bf worked in the college hospital). But my other unni and I have always known that before. I don't quite remember how we found out about that but I remember we would always whisper to each other about it and find out more stuff about them. My sister has always been very secretive with everything.

Now I just learned how my sister disrespects my mom, subtle ones but still disrespectful. I never thought she would do that. I know she doesn't mean to but well it's how she talks too. She's like a "palengkera" (one who works in a market). If you don't know how people talk in like wet markets back in the Philippines, well let's say it's like street talking. Loud and all. I guess I understand why she talks like that. I mean her some of her best friends are like that too. But yeah, I didn't expect she would not respect my mom. Because mom is very Maria Clara. She's very subtle, who isn't straightforward like my dad, not too strict, just the complete opposite of him. She said dad kept telling her to be a bit authoritarian and tell my sister that it was wrong. But mom wasn't the type of person who's frank. She lets it go and understand my sister.

....I don't know why I'm crying. Maybe because after how I hurt my parents before and learning how they felt, I almost wanted to die of guilt for doing those things. Especially with my dad's health problem, seeing him still the one with the strong personality among my parents, and then suddenly see him crying over your faults, it makes me want to end my life that time. I guess I'm the only one among my siblings who see a different side of my parents, how they get really weak. I just hope my unni would realize it someday.